woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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