Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
