next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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