Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
