Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
