okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
foreskin is a definite game changer
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
