woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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