So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She even gives head with a lisp.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
