The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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