So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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