I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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