I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
