Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
