i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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