Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
