i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
