what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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