If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
