maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
