Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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