So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
