I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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