Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
