i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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