you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
