Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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