so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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