I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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