Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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