Christians are straight up FREAKS
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
