OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
