WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
