my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
