I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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