Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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