booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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