We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
