FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
