she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His nipple licking is glorious
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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