My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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