She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
