Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My balls are so social today.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
