im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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