When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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