You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
