Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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