Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
