This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
