Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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