Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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