so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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