Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
