dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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